| An in-depth interview with moi-self regarding the forthcoming release of Darkplace on DVD is currently being run past my team of lawyers. It will be posted here in the dueness of course. In the meantime, heretofind a dramatic meditation on this too-damn-long-awaited release. |I wrote and re-wrote the piece several times on a lone trip to Scotland last month during which I bagged three Munroes. The resultant drama is one of the best things I’ve written in a long time. Incidentally, any theatre or film companies seeking to perform the following piece should contact my legal department at garththeferryman@garthmarenghi.com.
Absorb. Then purchase.
I remain your humble fabulist,
Garth Marenghi.
DARKPLACE REVISITATUM.
A PLAY IN ONE ACT BY GARTH MARENGHI.
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
GARTH MARENGHI
HELLHOUND 1
HELLHOUND 2
THE KEEPER
GARTH ENTERS THE STAGE. HE APPROACHES A GATE. TWO HELLHOUNDS STAND SENTRY.
HELLHOUND 2
Your name?
GARTH
Garth Marenghi.
HELLHOUND 1
Your business?
GARTH
The business of horror.
HELLHOUND 2
How might others know you?
GARTH
By my scripture o' blood i.e. Slicer through to Retch, my latest hardback release. Hellhounds! Why are your faces blank?
HELLHOUND 2
What need have we of faces when we have no souls?
GARTH
Fair point, makes sense. What call they me?
HELLHOUND 1
Some call you prophet
HELLHOUND 2
Others don’t
GARTH
Where do I stand?
HELLHOUND 1
At the doorway to your mind.
HELLHOUND 2
Do you want to come in?
GARTH
Open the door!
THE HELLHOUNDS MIME OPENING THE DOOR. GARTH WALKS THROUGH IT.
GARTH
Begone!
HELLHOUND 2
Shall I close the door to your mind?
GARTH
No, leave it open.
THUNDER. WE HEAR A VOICE FROM THE GODS.
KEEPER
I am the Keeper. Who is this that interrupts my slumber?
GARTH
Do we have to go through this again? What are the hellhounds doing? This is bureaucracy gone mad.
KEEPER
State your business.
GARTH
I have come for the Darkplace DVD. The time is now…
A BONY HAND DESCENDS FROM ABOVE. IT HOLDS THE DARKPLACE DVD. LIGHTING FLASH. HELLHOUND CHORUS HOWLS.
Tableau. Slow Fade.
|
